Monday, August 24, 2009

No, this started out wrong.
I didn't want it to be like this.
Hear me out,
Please, I almost say . . .
But I don't want to be desperate.
Still I hope you stay and listen.

But now that your here
I've lost all my words.
I had them I swear,
I riffle through my memory like scraps of paper
Looking for that one important piece,
The piece that was supposed
To make all this go away.

I am caught naked and ashamed
But I don't think you see that.
Instead it's just another failure
Another thing to sigh and shake your head at.
I know I'm incompetent.

I spent hours on it you know,
I thought and thought
And put those thoughts into words.
Night after night I'd practice
The inflections.
Til it was perfect to my eyes,
Or nearly so,
Til through my clumsy way,
I would get my point across.

I know it's not a masterpiece,
But maybe, a work of art.
And I created it just for you.
You were my muse,
And my inspiration.
The one it was dedicated to.

Each syllable shifted
To give it just the light I had in mind.
Each pause and start to offset it's wonder.
And I made it just for you.
But you'll never hear it.
I lost it you see,
I would apologize
But I doubt,
I doubt the familiar sound
Would ring with as much truth
As I'd want it to.

So I shift from foot to foot
Almost crying.
But somehow oddly understanding
Your impatience with me.
I know I need to grow up,
I do.

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