Thursday, October 28, 2010

Amy your a star

You say this cheap pink dress looks amazing on me
the lining makes me itch
I fidget at it's scratchiness
you say it makes me look five years older
Although I think younger is what you mean.
You say I'm photogenic as you snap a picture or two
but hey why not lower the sleeve on the shoulder a bit?
snap flash snap
why not a bit more?
Oh no that wont do.
hey, why not lower it completely?
All the stars do,
there we are
snap snap
How bout you lean back a bit, legs apart
wait those panties are the wrong color
Don't mean to make you uncomfortable, you smile
but could we take them off?

God you're beautiful.
your going to be famous

you look a little tense
how are we supposed to do this love scene?
you slide next to me
growing closer, warmer.
lips on my flesh
breath inhaling
hand on my leg
sliding up . . .
hey now, why so jumpy?
just relax
. . .relax.

lean back a bit
clothing fumbling
the sharp sound of zipper teeth unclenching
god kid, you'll be bigger than Madonna
closer, closer.
that's right, you look so goddamn sexy
cant control myself you say,
as if it was my fault.
sharp press of pain
you hold me down as I squirm and cry
hey, hey kid
where do you think your going?
deeper, deeper you drill
I thought I would split in two
but no.
no, harder and faster.
the pain flashing like waves behind my closed eyes
I don't want to see
why had I agreed to come here?
It's over after an eternity
you lay there a minute your weight crushing me
I wish it would and I would stop breathing.
you pull away,
a long strand of drool on your lip
look at me hazily as if you don't remember what happened
who you are
you zip up your pants and turn away
disgusted with me

put on your cloths
we're done here.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Places and Fear

There is a place, a secret place where I would crawl down.

A hand.
A hand to lead me
then forget me in a busy intersection
leaving me crying and confused.
I was only four
How could you?

A candle to burn away the cold.
I'd wind my way down to the garden
where you'd be waiting for me
to love,
to love and promise.
I believed you.
And at 14 I didn't know that believe
was just a fancy word for lie.
But I would learn.

I'd open the gate and walk to the street corner.
The traffic lights blinked
glow sticks to draw out the night life moths
to feed and parasitic suckle on innocence
til innocence is long gone.
And not even a memory remains.

I sell myself for the currency of love
hoping to buy back time.
But it's no use.
And these street lights keep getting dimmer
Or maybe it's just me.
And I can't seem to escape this feeling that there once was something more.
And it's cloudy now but I can't see the sun;
so tired of consistently, consistently, being consistently the same.

And I remember that night
You touched my lips
And told me not to worry.
I cried and you told me it would be alright.
The smoke from the fire blocking the sky,
The blue and red lights of fire trucks and ambulances
The smell of you and the panic.
I told you I had never seen anything more beautiful.
You looked at me and said "neither have I."
I was the only time I had ever felt truly loved

I can't feel anything anymore.

Monday, October 25, 2010


You give me a cold resting place
Up on a frost bitten moor
With nothing but the dead grass
Like the hair of a thousand corpses peeking out from under the snow.
You give me a frail resting place
upon this fevered bed.
You are gone
and the ice splinters of my breath hang and stare at me from the ceiling
There is nothing for me here.
And I know somewhere in the back of your head you have put me to rest
In a sleep which makes death seem a lullaby
You said you would never think of me
Did you really mean never, dearest?
For the nights turn still colder and even the day's seem widowed in flat gray.
But no . . . . . . I remember the way you turned from me.
Your never was complete.

You won't come back.

please just take [blank] from my hands.

Please just take this pen from my hand
All it spouts is lies and shit
And beauty has left me

I'm dead inside.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I can't fix this

And at last I'm to tired to try.

gotta preform for them, and them, and me.

Didn't remember how it was
back when my thoughts were unknown
my heart was secret
when I was just and only Sarah.

Please just take it from me
I wont give it up
although feebly my hand clutches it,

Can't stop.
And I don't remember why,
Why that was so important anymore.
I believe you are more then enough for me
I believe that change is just around the corner
I believe that better times are coming
That I'll make it out not only alive but successful

Believe is just a fancy way of saying lie.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Does This Make Sense

I tried and I tripped
And I stumbled
To reach what I thought was you
Way out here.

And I was breathless and hurting and longing
and my shoes were dirty and my pants were ripped
way out here.

And I saw a man bury his daughter
in the garden
out here

And a man eat his hand
because he can
and liked the ring of cannibal
way out here.

But there was no you
and there was no silver longing or imagination
there was no
there was no

I started a fight because I felt reckless
And needed to scream
and I was bloody and he was bruised
and I still felt restless between
these pages that keep flipping
and turning
and twisting
and walking out on me.

And I just needed to breath

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Please someone stop me from being empty.

No matter how
The endless whoring
Leavings me tangled in the sheets
By morning

I'm an empty doll
Any day
(I'm waiting,
Waiting for the call)
I'm waiting for you to say
"You're so not worth it."

I'm waiting for you to treat me
Like the disposable
That I am.

I have no feelings
And I lie so much
That maybe this is true

I am fretting
And regretting
over you
I am a thing to be forgotten

While I have your attention
Ladies, gentlemen,
This truth I will not brush up,
Or paint over,
Or cover up.

Misetro, drum roll please . . .

You never deserved me

Monday, October 4, 2010


We loved with all that we had
But we were young
And the world was different.
The world will never be that way again.
So lets close our eyes tight,
Lets shut out the world
And weep
Weep with the shared understanding
Of what we lost

Eden is over

We were children And we were blessed.
But now we are old And blind forever.


Sunshine burn me.
Won't you teach me?
Consume me and swallow me up
I want to know what obsession is.

And water seep my lungs
Fill me and kill me
Let your coldness claim me
Who could blame me
For wanting to be numb?

And air,
Oh, Air,
Destroy me.
Only you can erase me.
Rip the soul from my flesh
And the life from my bones.
I have longed to be effaced and erased
With nothing but a name