E.

I'm trying to find quiet strength 
Again.
I'm sewing the pieces of my self back together.
Finding some bits in last years coat pockets
And some, hiding, have rolled under the bed.

There has been a consistency in loving you,
An invisible thread I have never talked about.
I've been keeping the secret of you in the back of my head
Tucking it between the pages of fear and hope, 
Wrapping it in the day dreams of "good enough".

I come to you in the too small broken clothes of others expectations 
Embarrassed to have you see me like this.
Wearing something that looks a little like dignity on my sleeve.
I am a master of pretending it's alright.

But there is honesty in my love
simple and undressed.
After all the stories and the rough lived lives-
Covering up the bruises,
There is relief in the quiet round sounds of truth slipping out.
I love you.
I have always loved you. 
I always will love you.

And I want the best for you
Even though I know that's not me.
You deserve innocence 
And all I can do is bring you grief.