life. life.

Today I counted my fingers.
for no other purpose
it was just a tick.
Something nervous to do to let out the anticipation.

I can weigh out what I ate today on a teacup saucer.
I'm not starving
but food seems like a great white elephant tug-a-waring across a line
and eating for comfort has gone out of style with me;
Grief has other forms.

I dreamt my sister died last night
choking to death on a dance club floor and no one heard her.
All day something has been off
And by dinner time I know that today is wrong.

"whats" and "why's" are only hanging
like noosed tree's in the wind
that sway and precariously begin to bump each other.
I think I'm beginning to lose my mind.

or only maybe it's that I hope to.
To bow out somewhat clumsy but with a little dignity
of to much to soon.
Life was never this hard.
And I care too much so not at all.