Goodbye?

I miss you. I wish I could go back. You were the best friend I ever had in my whole entire life.
That night on the roof was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. How could something so flawlessly beautiful ruin everything?
And now I have nothing. I pushed everyone away and I am alone like a always wanted. Sometimes I still cry at night, I miss my family, I miss my house that isn't mine or even ours anymore, I miss the childhood I left there. And I miss you. The feeling goes away but always comes back with breathtaking clarity. And I know why you can't talk to me but I can't help feeling that the night on the roof has something to do with it.

Why is it always guys like him and never guys like you?
I'd take you even as a friend now. I really need you, I'm lost and I've lost so many things. . . Remind me of myself.

This is way to personal for here but I don't really care and I don't think anyone else really does either.
Mostly I just want to know that you're ok. Are you still happy? how are things? ... all the meaningless little wastes of time I miss sharing with you.