Once

I was somebody once
Before these hands
(how old they've become!)
Erased my face from mirrors.

I knew god once
Before a book was shoved down my throat
And I couldn't quiet swallow the words.

I knew what safety was
Before I caught mom crying in the bedroom
And tipped over pill bottles on dads bible.

He is not God
And she is not a saint.

I realized there is not love
Only lying really well.
And we don't cling to 'home' for comfort
Only a blanket to cover our darkest deeds.

We don't speak of what goes on behind closed doors
And the world doesn't see us cry behind photographed eyes.

We grow older but not wiser,
Lost all knowledge behind a glass of innocence.
We can never say with surety what we knew then, . . .
Back when I used to know things.